If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
