It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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