I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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