is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
