Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
