I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There's always time for handjobs
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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