I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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