dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
