Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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