How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
