I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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