Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
