you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
