I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
then he tried to convert me to islam
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He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
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I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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