well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Randomize
