Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
