I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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