You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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