"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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