mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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