I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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