Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
