So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
