I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
