textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
