Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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