he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
