I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
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We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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