Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
