someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
