There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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