I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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