my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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