fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
