What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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