why didn't you poke me back
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
