our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
