No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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