Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
