PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You left your phone here
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