My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
