why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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