U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
