next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
