Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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