I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
