You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
