There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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