A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The best revenge is premature balding
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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