Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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