i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
