walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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