I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
