A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
