I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
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We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
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I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.