Betty ford says i'm here all night
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
