if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so explain again why im purple
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
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i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
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I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.