You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
