youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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