Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
