There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
