An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
worst night to have a conscience
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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