bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
