erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
tequila makes me forget i have legs
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
