hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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