I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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