I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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