i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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