So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
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Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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