You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
