You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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