he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
