its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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