Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
