6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i need some magic done to my vagina
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
