So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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