the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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